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Processing Change

Processing Change

It may seem silly to some people, but I have to process change. I would love to think that I am adventurous and spontaneous, but that is stretching the truth. I love doing new things, going new places, trying new foods, and generally exploring life…but don’t do so lightly. I think and plan, and plan and think…all the while, time is just passing before me.

I started this blog this year to come to grips with the paralyzing truth that I am morbidly obese. I set goals and made predictions, pondered over why things got so bad, and analyzed myself agonizingly in the quiet of my home. All the while, the blog sits, quiet, waiting for content, waiting for a voice, waiting for me to change.

My goal of losing 30 pounds by Labor Day this year was crushed by my desire to get my mental house in order. Did I reach my goal? Nope. I totally blew it…but I learned a few lessons along the way.

I have learned that I can give great advice to others, but I am not so good at taking it for myself. I have learned that traditional birth control does crazy things to my head and makes me depressed, lazy, and anxious. I have learned that the better I eat, the better I feel. Best of all, however, I have learned to stop hating myself. Yeah, I’m fat…bfd…I can change and I will…but on my own time.

So expect to see more of my chubby face. The sidebar to your right will log my exercise, I will set a new weight loss goal, and I will keep on living. Hopefully I will gain some followers on this journey and maybe even help someone else, but if you all just want to watch and laugh, share in some yummy recipes, or just place bets on whether I will actually succeed, I am cool with that too.

Oh, and that beautiful photo…that’s what I miss when I sit at home in the afternoon studying…what a gorgeous reminder to get out there and see what’s happening…

Do you have the strength?

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